Buildings Burn, People Die, But Real Love is Forever.
[ Current Mood | contemplative ]
[ Current Music | "Stars", Les Misérables ]
Have you ever solely based a huge portion of your time upon something? Seriously, I'm not talking about watching a show on tv or a video game or even possibly some shows. Like, something that eases you into being content and stops you from lashing out on the most undeserving people? Well, I've done something all this year that has kept me [relatively] tranquil since September or so. I know I'm going to get made fun of by all but one or two people, but I've written so much this year, some being fiction, some journal entries [some of which are online, and others not], and a ton of personal narratives. I've just found it to be so incredibly calming, and wow, I'm afraid to see what would have happened had I not done this. I was cleaning my room the other day, and I found a bunch of my writings, and it's astounding how much a human can possibly change within a school year, not even, in a few certain circumstances.
So, I watched The Crow late Friday night. I watched it with a different outlook on things, and I still loved every single moment of it. I saw a new meaning to some of my favorite lines, and it's really just a great movie overall, it isn't necessary to have a significant other to be able to watch this film. Speaking of films, I got Historian for Senior High Drama. Levine wants to make a documentary of the upcoming drama, and it's pretty much my responsibility. I finally get to make my own film, something I never gotten the chance to do. I really can't wait for next year.
The thing is, as great as it was to have found my old writings, I got some mixed emotions with them. Some were written upon such a sensitive topic, it's a wonder the ink hadn't run, nor were they crinkley. I found a bunch of them all in one pile, some were indeed crinkled, some were folded infinitely, one was even written in a few different languages. However, I digress. What really got me a bit upset, annoyed, or well, you all know I hate to quote the French, but there was this certain je ne se quois. A few were torn into a few different pieces. Part of me was afraid to read them, but I realized that to truly become the person that I'd like to be, I'd have to read them. I realized that in ripping it up, that there really wasn't much accomplished. I was just overly frustrated, and I felt too, well, I lack another term for this, too. So, I've realized that it's really not important to "have someone". And it's not entirely necessary for a set of best friends to all have someone at the same time. If anything, it shouldn't be strived for in life, it should be taken as a ambivalent coincidence. I'll admit it, I sometimes have a problem seeing myself the way I would if I had someone telling me that I was beautiful, or attractive, or whatever. But for me, now, it's okay. I don't need anyone to tell me that I'm beautiful or any of that stuff. I can determine it by myself, and my friends are honest with me when it comes to that. So, I don't have anyone. Not in the least. And I can say it, very proudly at that too. I don't have anyone, nor am I chasing after anyone. There's always the traditional high school crush, but hey, I don't really want anything; Romance is clearly not my first priority right now, and I don't really know when it will, or if it ever will. I'm a firm believer in whatever happens, happens, and one must just learn how to roll with the punches. As for love, romance, whatever it is, don't go looking for it. It'll happen when the time is right.
This was way longer than I had intended.
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